Wine Labels, Revisited

So I was out and about a few weeks ago and looking at wine bottles again, and ran across a few that made me laugh out loud.

I’m not sure that I think cupcakes when I think wine. Of course, I could be wrong.

After all, maybe wine and cupcakes could be a good mix. If it was a sweet wine. I wouldn’t think it would taste good to chase buttercream down with a dry wine. Or an oaky Chardonnay. I’d think it would make the wine taste funny.



Then there’s this one. You know, there are a lot of people out there who raise goats. And that’s a good thing. I’m just not real sure that when I think wine, I think about a goat. And I definitely don’t think about loving my goat.

In fact, I don’t really think about loving goats…ever.

Maybe that’s just me.


I’m still trying to figure out who Walter is.

I don’t get this one. I mean, seriously, I wasn’t aware that cowboys were known for drinking wine. 

Kinda thought they liked whiskey. Or sasparilla.

Even if we’re talking Zorro, I still don’t see the connection. And I like Zorro.



And then there’s this. I have no words.








Wine Labels, Part Deux

All righty then….

I have a tendency sometimes to wander through wine racks in a store and laugh at some of the labels. I’ve blogged about this before, but here we go again…

So last Labor Day weekend, Best Friend and I went up to Lake Erie. We go every year, and generally sit on a dock with a glass of wine and try to solve the world’s problems as the sun goes down over Sandusky Bay. Talk about relaxing! Well, this year, she was pregnant, so we didn’t drink on the dock…instead we headed out to see if we could crack each other up.

And a disclaimer…this had NOTHING to do with the taste of the wine. It has everything to do with having fun at the wine store.

So, without further ado, and much apologizing for how long it took me to get these posted…the wine labels that amused us during the trip.

This had us cracking up. Barrel Chaser just seemed like an odd name for any kind of alcoholic beverage, when it shows people chasing barrels off of a wagon. I mean, don’t they call it “being on the wagon” when one is abstaining from alcohol in the first place? Or is it a statement that the wine is so good that one will chase it right off the wagon? Dangerous, that.

Or are they trying to tell us that this is a new sport that one participates in after imbibing one too many glasses of their wine?

Of course, I start thinking that this should be a more upscale version of the Greek Olympics events, like the one depicted in the Revenge of the Nerds movie, with tricycle races after chugging a beer…not that I advocate drinking like that, of course.


Yard Dog isn’t really what I think of when I think of fine wines, either. I mean, my fuzzy menace wears a cone when I can’t watch her right now, because she itches from her allergies, and dug a sore into her back leg that we’re trying to let heal. Then again, after bandaging her back leg, a glass of wine for me is not a bad idea…cat rasslin’ is thirsty work.

At the same time, I still wonder if they are targeting veterinary students?

Cone of shame=white wine?

Not normally my thought process.



Arrrrrgh, matey! Because the thing to do with this wine is to get a treasure map and see if “X” marks the spot! Treasure Hunter seems out of place here. I kinda thought that pirates preferred rum.

As in the expression on Jack Sparrow’s face when Elizabeth blows up the rum… for what I mean.

On the other hand, maybe a good choice for a costumed dinner party? Or on Talk Like A Pirate Day?




Le Faux Frog. Now, I didn’t take French in school. I took Spanish. And I did go to law school, so there’s a few Latin phrases that I’ve picked up along the way, but this sure looks to me like someone named a bottle of wine, “The Fake Frog”. Is that like imitation crab?

They’re pretty labels, but where would one buy fake frog?

Does it taste like chicken?



Now, I have not tried this wine myself, but several friends have told me that it’s pretty good.

I just can’t get over the visual image of the name Fish Eye.

Especially if I’m eating fish for dinner while I’m drinking a glass of this wine. I’m a visual thinker, which means that I will get a picture in my head of what’s being talked about, which can sometimes be a dangerous thing. If you’re having dinner with me, and we’re talking about something, be sure that I’ve gotten some oddball visual image in my head of something that’s been said if I’m cracking up and it doesn’t seem to fit what we’re talking about. I do have friends that take advantage of this to see if they can get me to snort wine across the table. Note to self: If I try this wine and we’re eating fish, make sure to keep the bottle out of sight in the kitchen to avoid the nose-wine filter.



This was the best one we saw, and funny….but at least partly to me because my family’s joked about this for years.

Pinot Evil is now absolutely on my list to try, just for that reason.

When I was a kid, we had one of those old, 8mm cameras that Mom and Dad took home movies with. We have joked for YEARS about one of those videos, which shows me (at about age 3), Dad, and Sister (less than 1 year old) at about Christmas time. I don’t remember which was which, but Dad and I were demonstrating “See No Evil” and “Hear No Evil” for the camera, really hamming it up, and the camera pans to my Sister, who was chewing on some teething beads. We’ve said for years that she was illustrating “Eat No Evil” instead of “Say No Evil”.

We also pass around a gag gift every year that was my mother’s, a coin bank of monkeys that illustrate this very thing. Every year we joke about who is going to unwrap the monkeys, and find new and interesting ways to gift them around the family.

This past year, I wrapped them up and presented them to Nephew, who then turned around and gifted them to my cousin’s daughter (they’re both around the age of 3).

I think I’ll have to look for a bottle of this for Christmas, next year, just for laughs.


Dayton Wine Trail Pics

Okay, so I promised some time ago to put these up, but I just hadn’t quite gotten there yet.  And since they’re doing this again on May 15, I hope this gives you some idea of how much fun we had, and a desire to go and check things out!

And this is not a comment on the taste or quality of any of the products here…the labels just cracked us up.

  The Squid’s Fist. Because when I think wine…I think squid. And not just any squid, but a squid that actually has a hand and fingers that can make a fist. Yeah, that says a good wine to go with seafood or chicken. Doesn’t it say that to you?

I have a hard time equating good wine with something that even Jules Verne couldn’t dream up.

This could be the best wine on the planet. I can’t stop trying to picture how a squid makes a fist.

Menage A Trois. Is this some way of saying that wine is supposed to dictate bedroom behavior?

I couldn’t take this seriously. Yeah, I know. We were cracking up like a couple of really immature grade school kids who laugh at fart jokes.

But seriously, are you really thinking about whether this is a good dessert wine, or what kind of taste it leaves on the palate? Nope. I’m wanting to know what the marketing campaign is going to be.

And the wine labels weren’t the only crazy thing. The beer labels had us going too.

Oaked Arrogant Bastard Ale. Nothing says tasty ale like an arrogant bastard. Or is this medication to treat Arrogant Bastard Syndrome? Or is it a way to create Arrogant Bastards? Probably the latter.

I’m sure we all know people we’d like to give this to, especially if it cures Arrogant Bastard tendencies.  And does the fact that it’s oaked make it extra strength or something?

Someone told me that this stuff is actually pretty good. I can’t get past the label. And how would you give a six pack of this to someone with a straight face? Much less serve a bottle of it to a guest in your house? Wouldn’t they think you were trying to make some kind of statement about their personality?

Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout. And, because nothing says beer like crusty, unwashed Russian holy men/crazy men/however you’d like to classify this nutball.

Seriously? Because I’d worry that this would turn me into a crazy Russian religious maniac who didn’t bathe, didn’t shave, and thought he was God’s gift to the world. And women.

Although, they did have to shoot him, stab him, strangle him, poison him, and drown him before he actually died. Even so, I would definitely give up the whole Holy Man of Steel concept for regular bathing. I just can’t handle the not-bathing thing.

Again, might be great beer. I just can’t figure out what the ad campaign would be. And that’s really what’s keeping me from trying it.

These are really the pick of the litter here. I’ll post more great alcohol labels as I find them. Enjoy!