WOW Where has the time gone?

Okay….

MASSIVE changes in my life.

As of August 1, 2018, I opened my own law firm in Urbana, Ohio. It’s been a wild ride. And business is going GANGBUSTERS. It’s made it hard to find time to write, but rest assured, I am making progress.

To answer some questions…

YES I am still writing the sequel to SHADES OF GRAY. (Title right now is RING OF FIRE) It’s my current WIP, and will be the next thing I finish. I’m in the middle right now. No, I don’t have a release date just yet.

YES I am still writing GIRL VERSUS DEMON; DEMON DEADLY SINS. This, however, is not under contract; it will wait until RING OF FIRE is done and turned in.

UNRELATED to that, I am putting together a collection of my short stories. My cousin, Todd Hostetler, cover artist extraordinaire (he did the original cover for SHADES OF GRAY, is working on cover art, and I’m working on collating and doing the final interior design and draft for DEMONS AND HEROES AND ROBOTS, OH MY! We are hoping to release this later this year. Some are reprinted short stories, some have never been published before, but THREE of those stories are related to GIRL VERSUS DEMON. TWO of those are set in Urbana, Ohio.

And the Boy is a junior in high school, in lots of activities. The Girl is three, and into everything. We bought a building for the law office, and are working on renovations, and I still have book events all over the place.

NEXT EVENT is WITTCON on March 23! See you there!

Advertisement

Selling at Conventions Part Three

Okay, so I covered having stock, having a table buddy, having stuff on the table, and some basics for finding conventions, having a card reader, and in general being prepared. Here’s a few more thoughts.

1) Bring change. Remember to consider sales tax issues.

Not a joke. And especially if you aren’t using a card reader (which you really should),  there’s nothing worse than losing a sale because you can’t make change. Remember that at the beginning of a con, everyone has freshly minted 20s from the ATM. If your stuff costs less than 20 bucks, and you don’t have change, you might lose that sale…and they might not make it back with cash in hand before the end of the weekend. My stuff is generally priced at 5,10,15,20,25 dollar increments, and I’ll pay the sales tax out of that price at a con…because it’s easier to give a slight discount than having to bring rolled coin to a con. If I take a credit card payment, I charge full price…because I also have to pay the credit card fee. Most people don’t care, but I’m up front about that.

Also consider what state your event is in and look into properly licensing yourself as a transient vendor and obtaining whatever permits you need, as well as actually reporting and paying tax timely. If you have questions, contact the convention; they probably have someone who knows this information for their vendors. If you aren’t sure, contact the state tax department where that convention is located.

2) Keep good sales records.

Tax purposes. Business records. Also if I’ve been at a con before, I can look back on the previous years sales to see if I’m up, down, or sideways and try to see if there’s a common denominator. I also use those records to determine which cons are ones to return to, or which ones might not have been worth the investment, and aren’t worth the money to attend in the future.

There’s an ongoing neuroses among authors at a con to compare sales numbers. I’m guilty as well. This can be tricky. Someone with a really off the wall and well received project that just released might not get the same sales numbers as those who might have books that have been out for a while (good or bad). Someone with ten titles on the table is going to have different numbers than someone who is there with their first book. And please don’t feel like low sales numbers when compared to someone with highly pushy sales tactics make you look bad. I don’t know about you, but I want readers…who like me, like my stuff, and go looking for my newest project, rather than someone who just gets that immediate sale. I’m good with sales numbers being slightly lower…because I may have hooked someone who will pick up the rest of the series…and start the next series…and tell people about my books and….you get the picture. It’s good to know if you’re the only one having a good/bad weekend, because you might want to mix up your approach, or not…but don’t obsess (easier said than done).

3) It’s not just about the immediate sale.

I said earlier that I don’t want just sales…I want readers. The kid out of money that picks up a sucker with my business card on it…and later checks out the sample chapter on my website, might then ask their parents for my book for their birthday, or Christmas…or might drag their parents back to pick up the book before the weekend is out.

I give out samples of my writing to hook people. Generally, it’s a first chapter that can give someone a flavor of what I do. If people want more, but don’t have a lot of money to drop, I might steer them towards a couple of short stories that I have on the table that I sell for five bucks each for a print version. If they like, they might be back, they might order online, they might check out more later.

My point? You go to conventions, not just to sell a certain number of copies, but also for the promotions aspect. I’ve had people come back to me at later conventions, who saw me…even in a different state…and remember me, my books…and buy. I have postcards, I have business cards, I have freebies, I have buttons and ribbons and mints and suckers and….and…and…because I want to be remembered.

Your mileage may vary. I do try to have fun with it. My GOT FROG? Buttons and ribbons or frog temporary tattoos are freebies that I give out. If kids come up to my table, I have something other than candy that they can take away (Kids always love candy, but some kids are diabetic, or hyperactive, or have other issues, so the mom in me always wants to be able to reach out to everyone). People collect buttons. Some conventions have fascination with badge ribbons. They aren’t crazy expensive, and they appeal to a lot of people. I’ve had people see the buttons walking around and see them on the table and come over to ask about the books (that’s kinda the point!).

3) Remember your own needs. Don’t ignore them.

I was the breastfeeding/pumping mom who set up alone for a convention and ran to the bathroom every two hours with a rolling cooler to pump. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have been able to do the convention…no way could I have brought a very active seven month old baby and set up and fed her and done what I needed to do for the books. I did what I had to do to keep myself going and not have issues. I’ve seen another mom who had to do this as well about a year later, and we spent some time commiserating.

My husband tries to stick to a very specific diet; and to be honest, packing a cooler for lunch when we go to a con means I eat healthier, too. Drinks at convention centers are expensive. Taking a water bottle and a few caffeinated drinks in a cooler is way cheaper. Make sure you take breaks when you need them. Stay hydrated. Don’t forget pee breaks.

That also goes for those who need medications, insulin injections, inhalers, etc. Be prepared. You will be taxing yourself. Wear comfortable shoes. If walking is an issue, bring what you need to get in and out. I’ve seen one author bring her own chair…because of ongoing back issues. I’m considering it.

4) Take some time if you’re traveling to a new city to do something outside of the con.

Look, I go to Columbus and Dayton all the time; probably wouldn’t fuss about being in and out there, because it’s not new to me. But if you’re traveling somewhere you haven’t been, find one thing that you can go do that’s neat for that city. My husband and I went to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade just before Wizard World Cleveland started one year, and went through the Soldiers and Sailors Monument before the parade started. We walked to Fountain Square in downtown Indianapolis one evening while in town for Indiana Comic Con. It’s a little sad to spend money for travel, even if it is for business, and realize that you haven’t seen anything of the town you’re in.

And enjoy yourself. Because cons, as crazy as they are, are still fun.

 

Things Learned When Traveling With Minions

Over the last couple of years, we have done quite a bit of traveling with the kids…between vacations and soccer tournaments, wrestling meets, and conventions. Here are the things we have learned. (I actually meant to post this several months ago, but it still holds true).

1) Cabbage anything for the teenager? Not a good idea two days before a long road trip. Unless we pack clothespins for the noses, or are prepared to keep the windows down quite a bit.

2) The toddler will hide goldfish crackers in her crotch, so that we don’t know she has them. And will cry for food…only to find a pound of crushed goldfish crackers between her legs when taking her out of the car seat. Apparently she hoards them.

3) Watching Jaws with the teenager? No problem. Right before a beach vacation? Not so much.

4) If the teenager has gas, the toddler thinks it’s funny.  And she will make fart noises with her mouth to make it worse. And her brother? Well, he’ll keep doing it to make her laugh. It’s smelly and funny at the same time.

5) If you did not pack extra pants, the toddler will pee on you.

6) Swim diapers don’t hold much.

7) Seawater is a great sinus rinse.

8) Anything tastes better to the toddler with ketchup or cocktail sauce. And woe to the person who forgets a sippy cup. Cause that won’t stop her from being thirsty and wanting your drink. And pouring it all over you.

9) The teenager definitely enjoyed watching people at the beach. We enjoyed watching him trying not to show us how much he was enjoying watching people on the beach.

10) It doesn’t matter how much money you spend, or how much effort you put in. The memories will not be the planning; they will be the off the wall things you could never have predicted.

Publishing News, Updatery, and Stuff and Junk and Things

Okay…so life has pretty much jumped up and bit me. I’ve wanted to post a lot of things here lately, and I haven’t…but here we go.

FIRST of all…I announced it on Facebook and Twitter, but didn’t post it here (not sure why, just too many things going on I suspect) but I’ve signed contracts with Hydra Publications for the entire HOCHENWALT FILES trilogy. Book one is already out; book two in progress, and book three is in the planning stages. See the announcement HERE.

SECONDLY, I am still working on GIRL VS DEMON. Really. But finishing book two in the HOCHENWALT FILES is taking priority. The minute the werewolf book is in the publisher’s hands, the demon book will rise directly back to the top of the list.

I just recently appeared at Cleveland Concoction last weekend; I have to say that I truly love that convention. There’s tons of great people on wonderful panels, awesome attendees, and I actually had people who showed up for my reading time excited to hear from ME. That makes the inner author do a Snoopy dance and squee a bit! Those who showed up got to hear the first chapter of the demon book…and I’m thrilled to say that it was well received! And Author’s Alley is just so freaking awesome. I would truly love to see other conventions follow their lead. It made for a place where the authors could sit down, talk to readers, sell some books, and network with each other…which we certainly did a lot of!

NEXT UP will be a trip to the GREAT PHILADELPHIA COMIC CON April 27-29, 2018. I will be there with plenty of books for sale, Hubby in tow, and swag and promo stuff and etc. Please check it out and come see me if you’re in the area.

STAY TUNED to this page and my Facebook and Twitter accounts. Organizing a giveaway in the next month or so…YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS!

 

 

Selling at Conventions Part Two

Take enough stock.

But, if it’s your first time, how do you know what’s enough?

My rule of thumb for most conventions is to take 20-30 copies for the first book in a series, and 10-15 of each subsequent book in the series. If I have anthologies, I don’t take more than 5 copies each; they aren’t huge sellers, but I’m surprised sometimes at how they do sell.

But your mileage on this may vary.

This is generally more than enough. Even at my best selling events, I haven’t sold out completely taking these numbers. I also have t-shirts and mugs that I sell with my book information/covers on them. Don’t invest into these until you’re versed in how your book inventory will do at different events.

While there’s a part of me that says it’s better to take too much than not to have enough, remember that books are heavy, and there’s only so much room in a vehicle. You also must leave room for yourself, any luggage, and any other bags you are bringing.

Don’t forget as well to leave room for a table buddy to join you. Life is a whole lot easier if you have a buddy going with you to help watch the table so you can get a pee break. If you’re taking a buddy, you must also leave room for the buddy’s luggage. You SHOULD provide transportation, badge, and lodging for your buddy for helping you…but it’s okay to share the hotel room you’re already paying for anyway. (Part of why my husband is my favorite table buddy. He works in retail/sales anyway, so he’s got an eye for this kind of stuff for set up and marketing, and well, I get to go on weekends out of town with my best friend and other half, while deducting the expenses on my taxes. Win/win, that’s for me.)

And it is not worth renting a uhaul or trailer for books unless you’re Patrick Rothfuss or someone with a big online store that has more than just book merchandise. Seriously. His store is wicked awesome. It’s here. But Pat’s not setting up in Artist Alley…he’s setting up a full blown vendor booth. It makes a difference.

It’s hard to find a happy medium.

BUT if you’re new to this scene, and you’ve taken more than two large plastic totes full of books, you’ve probably taken too much. (FYI…that’s just books, there’s also a big tote full of other supplies plus signage, plus my t-shirts and other materials). I drive a Ford Focus. I can pack all of my display materials, books, and miscellaneous supplies as well as my suitcase and a small cooler in my car. It’s tight, but I can and have done it. It’s a whole lot easier in my husband’s crossover vehicle, so we take his car when we are both going.

FUN TIP…Invest in some decent plastic totes or bins. Outdoor events can get soggy, which aren’t good for books. And cardboard boxes fall apart with heavy books sometimes.

FUN TIP 2…make sure you have signage of some kind, with your name at the very least.

IMG_4504[1]

The Pursuit of Busyness

It’s a little weird right now not to have a contracted deadline. But that’s probably a good thing.

I took a bunch of time off from having book events and such in the last half of pregnancy, and after The Girl was born, and for the first year of her life, I didn’t do anything that involved tons of travel.

This year will be different. I’m doing more travel. The Husband is going with me to some events; and will stay home with the Kidlings for some events. I’m actually branching back out to some of my previous haunts, to Cleveland, to Indianapolis, to Louisville, and actually getting some travel time outside of a one hour radius from my house. I’m looking forward to it, and to be honest, I think the Husband is, as well. We haven’t had a weekend out of town together since well before The Girl was born. We will be using some of my book events to get some time for just us.

I’m also way behind where I wanted to be on the DEMON book. Mea culpa. This is the first night in a long time that I’ve had the Kidlings in bed, the Husband otherwise occupied (he’s working late some nights, working on some projects for sidework…even if he’s in the house, he’s occupied), and not ready to drop from exhaustion myself or working on deadlines for the side job. I did get a short story out, and it will be published in June.

IT IS RELATED TO THE DEMON BOOK.

If you’ve read my short story, “Welcome to New York”, you’ve heard of Andrew and Gregory. They are two characters in that short story, and they are also secondary characters in the DEMON book. In both that short story and the novel, they are adults, with careers and a propensity to get involved in demon fighting. (“Welcome to New York” has appeared in two different anthologies, please click on BIBLIOGRAPHY above to get the links).

The short story coming out, “The Dragon Made Me Do It” will be published in the Origins Game Fair anthology, entitled DRAGONS! on Father’s Day weekend. It’s a wicked fun story about Andrew and Gregory as pre-teen altar boys dealing with a demonic presence that takes the form of a dragon.

LOCAL PEEPS…YES it does take place in Urbana. I didn’t make it obvious in the short story. But it is Urbana, Ohio. AND THAT’S WHERE THE DEMON BOOK IS SET. If I ever get it done. And I plan to. It’s turning out awesome. No, seriously…I’m in what writers normally refer to as the saggy, soggy, middle of the novel, the point at which most writers think anything they are working on sucks…and I still think it seriously rocks. That’s weird. Most of my writer friends will totally get what I’m saying. I cannot wait to share it with you. But first I gotta finish it. And then I gotta sell it.

And the brain worms for the project I have AFTER that are also intruding. I always have a million and one ideas…but this one is starting to get insistent. Better get the DEMON book done, so I can write the CARAVAN book (Working title, THE CORPSE BEHIND THE CARAVAN).

So…even though you haven’t heard much from me because I’ve been in the sleep-deprived new mom stage, doesn’t mean that the wheels aren’t turning. The problem hasn’t been the ideas. It’s been the time, and the exhaustion level. But The Girl is now sleeping through the night (and she’s turning into a big fan of books, but more on the GOODNIGHT MOON level than on Mum Mum’s books level), which means that I get to be Writer Girl again from time to time.

Permanent Solutions That Aren’t

I want to thank Gail Z. Martin for putting together the #HoldOntoTheLight campaign.

A friend of mine (I’ll call her D here) killed herself when we were in high school. D was bright and funny and had a sly smile that always made me smile back. I still wish I could see that smiling face, even if just on Facebook, but that smile is gone.

And she was struggling in ways I didn’t know. In fact, I don’t think anyone knows to this day exactly what was going on in her life, and in her head, and that’s the sad part of it all; she was a fairly private person. I knew D and her mom didn’t always get along, I knew that she was frustrated on the girls’ basketball team. I knew she was stressed about school, about being a senior, about graduating that next spring. None of those were unheard of stresses at the time for a teenage girl.

I was younger than she was, and we’d talked about the struggles we’d both had that year. But I never once thought she would do what she had done.

Another friend (I’ll call her L here, as she’s entitled to her own privacy) and I had shown up early for basketball practice that day. When we went into the locker room, we found our friend lying on the floor in front of one of the toilet stalls, where she was unconscious and had vomited. L stayed with D while I ran faster than I think I had ever run in my life, through the gym where the boys were practicing, to the athletic director’s office, where I thought that the coaches might be, and where I knew there was a phone. Luckily both the varsity and the reserve coaches were there; one called an ambulance and the other took off running with me, back into the locker room to see what we could do.

The ambulance arrived, and bundled her into the back of the ambulance on a stretcher. She was still alive at that point. Sometime later in the night, she lost her life. There’s a lot of speculation about how all of that went down among those of us who knew her, but it boils down to one thing; she’d purposely overdosed in the locker room. And within hours, D was dead.

Twenty plus years later, we still don’t have a lot of answers. I will always wish that she had called or talked to someone, anyone, about what was going on in her head, in her emotions, and in her heart.

I haven’t thought about her in a long time. But just in the past year or so, I got word that a fellow writer had taken his own life, and it brought back a lot of emotion from that time. This writer was someone who I had been on multiple panels with over the years, not someone I considered a close friend, but someone I would have been happy to share a drink or a cup of coffee with at a con, someone I knew to be a strong writer, someone who I looked forward to seeing when I traveled for book events. I had no idea that he struggled as he did and had had no idea that things had gotten so bad. I will miss seeing his face smiling from across a convention hall, that small, mischievous grin he had, like he had an idea in his head, an epic idea, one that would twist convention on its head.

I used to hear all the time that suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but that’s not true. The truth is that it’s not a permanent solution. For some, it might seem like the only option. I beg of them to seek professional counseling. Suicide leaves survivors, the family and friends, the ones who feel helpless and bereft, the ones who will carry the scar for the rest of their lives. That has led some to proclaim that suicide is selfish, because it only solves the problem for the person who commits it.

My high school friend and my writer friend were neither of them selfish people. On the contrary, they were both kind, funny, friendly, and had so much potential that is gone. I doubt that either of them did what they did to be selfish; on the contrary, I think both of them were probably at a point that they thought the world would be better without them.

The world is not better without them.

Please, if you have thoughts of harming yourself (or others), please seek help. To all of my friends and family, and even if I haven’t met you yet, please remember that even if you believe that suicide will solve all of your problems, remember that it doesn’t solve problems. If you’re being bullied, your suicide does not stop that bully and the bullying is NOT YOUR FAULT. If you’re depressed because you’ve lost a loved one, remember that their loss does not erase your good memories, and their good life. If you’re suffering from depression, it doesn’t solve the reason why you are depressed. Only medication and/or therapy can answer that question. SO GET HELP.

I do not say this to blame those who are victims of depression and suicide; far from it. I only state that suicide is not a solution. It is an end of one person’s suffering, but it does not solve the underlying problem.

You will leave behind friends and family who will ask themselves why, and will always wonder what they could have done to help. Let them help now. Don’t make them wonder. Do you need that extra hand in feeling like you are getting things accomplished? Do you need someone to just provide a hot meal and a warm bed? Do you need a break from your everyday life? Need some babysitting to feel a bit sane again? Feel unappreciated? Ask someone what it means to them that you do as you do.

I’m not trying to be a cheerleader, here. I know life isn’t all rah-rah-sis-boom-bah; I’ve had to seek out medication and therapy to deal with a time in my life that things were not all roses. I was glad that I was cogent enough to realize that there was a problem and look for a solution. Life did get better. In those darkest days, I needed friends and family to be there to tell me that I was worth something. I am. They did. It helped enough for me to see through the fog and reach out for the help I needed at the time.

Now, some people have a thicker fog to fight through. Let’s all agree to keep fighting for our loved ones, and ourselves, to fight through that fog of depression and silence, keep from withdrawing into the shadows, and continue to work on the self-worth of ourselves and others.

And remind ourselves on a daily basis that we are all worth it.

 

About the campaign:

#HoldOnToTheLight is a blog campaign encompassing blog posts by fantasy and science fiction authors around the world in an effort to raise awareness around treatment for depression, suicide prevention, domestic violence intervention, PTSD initiative, bullying prevention and other mental health-related issues. We believe fandom should be supportive, welcoming and inclusive, in the long tradition of fandom taking care of its own. We encourage readers and fans to seek the help they or their loved oens need without shame or embarrassment.

Please consider donating to or volunteering for organizations dedicated to treatment and prevention such as; American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Hope for the Warriors (PTSD), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Canadian Mental Health Association, MIND (UK), SNAE (UK), BeyondBlue (Australia), To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

To fine out more about #HoldOnToTheLight, find a list of participating authors and blog posts, or reach a media contact, go to http://www.HoldOnToTheLight.com and join us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/WeHoldOnToTheLight

 

Getting It All Done

I’ve laughed a lot here lately. I’m stupidly busy. I need to learn to say no more, but life is going like gangbusters on all GOOD cylinders. I’m not someone who finds it easy to say no to good things. I also end up on a lot of panels about Time Management for Writers and about Writing with a Day Job. So what all am I doing?

I do work a full time job. I’m a lawyer for a local government agency. I’m no longer doing involved trial work, but I’m in court regularly. It’s a 40 hour a week job, but it’s not one that comes with a ton of overtime.

I also work a part time job. I’m lucky enough to have found a part time legal writing job that, while there are deadlines, it’s a very flexible schedule, and generally involves a couple of evenings and maybe a Saturday morning every week. I’m starting to move some of this work to the hours after The Girl and The Boy go to bed at night.

I’m between book contracts at the moment. THE PERRAULT VOW will be out within the week (!) then my contracts for the GRIMM series are fulfilled. I’m working on a new novel, and while my goal is to have it completed in October, if not before, I do not have a contract for it, and do not have a deadline. In fact, I don’t have any writing deadlines at the moment. I generally write on my lunch break at the moment, and after The Girl goes to bed at night.

The Boy is in high school this fall. EEEK!! He’s on the high school soccer AND cross country teams. Which means that I’ll be there cheering him on as much as humanly possible.

The Girl is crawling. She, however, seems to be unhappy that she’s not making faster progress…she wants to stand and walk and run. She can pull herself up on furniture if it’s low enough to get hold of; otherwise, she keeps doing a very frustrated baby version of downward facing dog and getting ticked off that she’s not getting what she wants.

And The Husband and I are trying to eat healthier on a regular basis, eating out less and cooking at home more. The next step will be to add in exercise, but a lot of times that’s an issue of lack of time rather than lack of desire.

So people keep asking me how I’m getting it all done. To which, depending on the day, I either want to tell them that I’ve given up sleep for Lent (since it’s not Lent at the moment it’s fun to watch their faces as they realize this), or I want to tell them that I’m not getting it all done.

Truth is falling somewhere in between.

There’s a measure of planning required to have this kind of schedule and still be Mom. There’s a whole lot of tag-teaming going on between my husband and I as to getting The Girl fed/bathed/put to bed at night/packed for morning and getting The Boy fed/to practice/to games and matches/to team meetings.

My house is nowhere near where I would like it to be; but the level of cleanliness when I lived alone with one job, the writing, and a cat, is not something I can maintain with two jobs, the writing, four people (including a very active teenager), and the cat. The home improvement projects are coming along, though much slower than either of us would like, because of the aforementioned craziness in our schedule. And fall sports have just started this week.

And the writing is happening around deadlines for my part time job, on breaks and lunch hours at work, as well as after The Girl goes to bed at night. The other night, my husband and I were hunched over my laptop kicking around ideas for upping our game for our convention displays, and coming up with a more cohesive, professional look (not that it looks BAD per se…just how can we make it look BETTER). I’ve talked marketing on a phone call with a marketing consultant while spooning strawberry peach apple baby food puree into The Girl’s mouth one evening. Email marketing will be kicking off soon.

Now you see why I find it funny to be on these panels about Time Management. I swing wildly between wanting to say that if I can find time to write, others can too, and saying that if it’s important, a writer will find the time. And then I realize how condescending that sounds, and I don’t mean it that way. The reality is, however, that there’s some truth there. If you truly want to write, you will write after the kids go to bed, on the commuter train to work, on your lunch hour, or first thing in the morning before the rest of the family gets up for work. If it’s important to you, you will treat it as something important in your life.

Or you can just be me and totally lose my mind trying to do it all…and taking my husband to the funny farm with me…

 

Seeing Red

So someone repeated a statement to me today that’s got me a little perturbed. I’m not upset at the person who repeated it; I’m a bit frustrated that it was said at all. And my heart breaks a little that anyone thinks that way; this should be something that individual families decide for themselves.

I go back to work tomorrow, having been on maternity leave since my daughter was born in January.

Today the statement was repeated to me, “I thought Addie wanted that baby so badly, I’m surprised she’s going back to work.”

Cue the Donald Duck-style temper explosion in my head.

I made a comment about us needing my salary (we do), but there’s way more to it than that.

I’m the daughter of a working mom. My mother taught elementary school for thirty years. I can remember helping her set up her classroom and grade papers as I got older. I remember being proud of her when former students came up and told her how much they loved being in her class. I have many friends who have gone back to work after having kids.

I’m also friends with several stay at home moms. I know for a fact that they don’t sit around all day eating bon bons and watching Dr. Phil reruns. I didn’t on my maternity leave. Caring for small kids full time is a job and a half. I’m grateful to the stay at home mom who is going to be caring for my kid in her home while I work.

None of the working moms I know wanted their kids any less than the moms who were able and wanted to stay home.

I have enjoyed every minute of every day that I was home with The Girl. I’ve watched her grow from newborn to a nearly two month old baby while I was off. No matter the number of diaper blowouts, snot sucker drama, colic, reflux, getting peed on, getting pooped on, her spitting up while being burped, being an overstimulated baby refusing to nap, or any of the other more gory parts of new parenthood, I wouldn’t trade a moment of it. I’m glad that I was able to take a maternity leave with pay so that I could be home to experience all of it. I wish all moms could have that luxury.

I think all moms out there want to set an example for their kids. And we pick and choose what traits we model for them.

  • I want my daughter to know that she can have a career that fulfills her and still be a mom; and that sometimes having a fulfilling career can make you a better mom. 
  • I want my daughter to know caregivers other than mom, even though that breaks my heart a little. I want her to learn that there are loving people in this world that are outside of our home.
  • I want my daughter to know how good of a father she has because of how much he supports her mother in chasing her dreams; which would not be possible if I stayed home full time (we couldn’t afford some of the extra expenses I’ve incurred chasing this writing thing).
  • I want my daughter to know that she has value over and above being a mom; that she can contribute to the world more than just what she can give birth to.

And yes, we do need my salary. If I stayed home, I’d still have a mortgage and student loans and other bills to pay. And I have a stepson that will be in college in just four or five years. There’s no way we can afford to have me stay home.

Even if the money was there, I would still go back to work, because I need to, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. I’m not cut out to be a stay at home mom; I tip my hat respectfully to those who pull off that job. It’s one of the hardest jobs there is.

That’s not to denigrate stay at home moms. These are the things I’ve chosen to model for my kid. Others choose differently, based on their family and their circumstances. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Some of it is based on the individual moms and their desires, sometimes it’s based on the needs of their families.

BUT THAT CHOICE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH YOU WANT OR DON’T WANT YOUR KIDS!

I’ve seen moms with unexpected pregnancies who stayed home with the kids and loved every minute of it. I’ve seen moms with planned pregnancies who couldn’t handle a Mommy and Me sing a long without losing their minds, and Pinterest gave them hives.

Yes, I wanted The Girl with every breath of my being, and well, I’m so grateful to have her. But don’t feel bad for me working, or think I wanted her less just because I go back to work in the morning.

(Though leaving her tomorrow will probably still be one of the hardest things I ever do, so do have a kind thought for me in the morning, why don’tcha?)

 

On Productivity

How much time does it take you to write a book?

I get this question on a regular basis, and it’s not always easy to answer.

A novel of mine generally runs somewhere around 90,000 words.

I can comfortably write 2000 words a day while working the day job, the part time job, and keeping up with the kids. If I’m working, I can get 1000 of that on my lunch hour from time to time. If I’m chasing a deadline, I’ve done as much as 3000-10000 per day, depending on the day and how the story is cooking.

But this assumes you’re talking about the rough draft. I can have an entire rough draft done in 30 days if I really push myself; I’ve done it before. That doesn’t mean it’s polished and ready to turn in, and my brain is truly mush at the end of that time. Which means, of course, that no writing will happen for a couple of weeks after that, because the brain cells need time to recharge. And, if I’ve been pushing that hard, I’ve been spending evenings typing instead of paying attention to the family, and it’s their turn for my attention.

I try not to schedule myself to turn in more than a single novel and a couple of short stories in a year. If I get more than that done, it’s gravy.

But remember, too, that I can’t always write on a daily basis. If The Boy has a soccer game that’s an hour drive away in the evening, I can’t write that night, because we won’t get home until late and will still need to feed everyone. If I have work from my part time job, that has a deadline, that takes precedence. Obviously holidays don’t work, either, and we do have a house with constant, ongoing renovation going on, so work needs done on that, as well.

The short answer? I can write a novel in a month. If it’s to be a good novel, I need a bit longer than that, and that timeline can vary if real life jumps up and bites me.