Wine Labels, Part Deux

All righty then….

I have a tendency sometimes to wander through wine racks in a store and laugh at some of the labels. I’ve blogged about this before, but here we go again…

So last Labor Day weekend, Best Friend and I went up to Lake Erie. We go every year, and generally sit on a dock with a glass of wine and try to solve the world’s problems as the sun goes down over Sandusky Bay. Talk about relaxing! Well, this year, she was pregnant, so we didn’t drink on the dock…instead we headed out to see if we could crack each other up.

And a disclaimer…this had NOTHING to do with the taste of the wine. It has everything to do with having fun at the wine store.

So, without further ado, and much apologizing for how long it took me to get these posted…the wine labels that amused us during the trip.

This had us cracking up. Barrel Chaser just seemed like an odd name for any kind of alcoholic beverage, when it shows people chasing barrels off of a wagon. I mean, don’t they call it “being on the wagon” when one is abstaining from alcohol in the first place? Or is it a statement that the wine is so good that one will chase it right off the wagon? Dangerous, that.

Or are they trying to tell us that this is a new sport that one participates in after imbibing one too many glasses of their wine?

Of course, I start thinking that this should be a more upscale version of the Greek Olympics events, like the one depicted in the Revenge of the Nerds movie, with tricycle races after chugging a beer…not that I advocate drinking like that, of course.


Yard Dog isn’t really what I think of when I think of fine wines, either. I mean, my fuzzy menace wears a cone when I can’t watch her right now, because she itches from her allergies, and dug a sore into her back leg that we’re trying to let heal. Then again, after bandaging her back leg, a glass of wine for me is not a bad idea…cat rasslin’ is thirsty work.

At the same time, I still wonder if they are targeting veterinary students?

Cone of shame=white wine?

Not normally my thought process.



Arrrrrgh, matey! Because the thing to do with this wine is to get a treasure map and see if “X” marks the spot! Treasure Hunter seems out of place here. I kinda thought that pirates preferred rum.

As in the expression on Jack Sparrow’s face when Elizabeth blows up the rum… for what I mean.

On the other hand, maybe a good choice for a costumed dinner party? Or on Talk Like A Pirate Day?




Le Faux Frog. Now, I didn’t take French in school. I took Spanish. And I did go to law school, so there’s a few Latin phrases that I’ve picked up along the way, but this sure looks to me like someone named a bottle of wine, “The Fake Frog”. Is that like imitation crab?

They’re pretty labels, but where would one buy fake frog?

Does it taste like chicken?



Now, I have not tried this wine myself, but several friends have told me that it’s pretty good.

I just can’t get over the visual image of the name Fish Eye.

Especially if I’m eating fish for dinner while I’m drinking a glass of this wine. I’m a visual thinker, which means that I will get a picture in my head of what’s being talked about, which can sometimes be a dangerous thing. If you’re having dinner with me, and we’re talking about something, be sure that I’ve gotten some oddball visual image in my head of something that’s been said if I’m cracking up and it doesn’t seem to fit what we’re talking about. I do have friends that take advantage of this to see if they can get me to snort wine across the table. Note to self: If I try this wine and we’re eating fish, make sure to keep the bottle out of sight in the kitchen to avoid the nose-wine filter.



This was the best one we saw, and funny….but at least partly to me because my family’s joked about this for years.

Pinot Evil is now absolutely on my list to try, just for that reason.

When I was a kid, we had one of those old, 8mm cameras that Mom and Dad took home movies with. We have joked for YEARS about one of those videos, which shows me (at about age 3), Dad, and Sister (less than 1 year old) at about Christmas time. I don’t remember which was which, but Dad and I were demonstrating “See No Evil” and “Hear No Evil” for the camera, really hamming it up, and the camera pans to my Sister, who was chewing on some teething beads. We’ve said for years that she was illustrating “Eat No Evil” instead of “Say No Evil”.

We also pass around a gag gift every year that was my mother’s, a coin bank of monkeys that illustrate this very thing. Every year we joke about who is going to unwrap the monkeys, and find new and interesting ways to gift them around the family.

This past year, I wrapped them up and presented them to Nephew, who then turned around and gifted them to my cousin’s daughter (they’re both around the age of 3).

I think I’ll have to look for a bottle of this for Christmas, next year, just for laughs.




There’s a lot going on right now that has me frustrated.

There’s the personal life frustrations, which aren’t getting blogged about, but create some confusion that I can’t do a lot to fix on my own.

There’s the instability of knowing what trials will go and what will resolve. Despite nine years of doing this job, this is still a frustration with no real solution. Fortunately I’ve worked with some GREAT courtroom managers/bailiffs that help with scheduling snafus. A lot. Thanks, guys.

There’s the frustration of having a short story out on submission for months on end with no response, and no way to know if the story ever got through the spam filter.

There’s the frustration of tripping over boxes of Brother’s stuff in the house because we still haven’t gotten it all organized yet and out of the way.

There’s the frustration of the cat misbehaving just for the sheer fact that it gets my attention.

And the frustration of the new novel not behaving as I try to get the first draft down.

Not to mention all the things I want to get done with the house before spring hits in earnest and yardwork and flowerbeds need serious attention.

So, I’m frustrated right now. On a lot of different fronts, but that’s just the way it goes. There’s really no solution to it, other than just to keep powering on through all of it. Close friends and family members know that I’m stubborn enough to pick a goal and run straight at it like a battering ram. I’m not unwilling to hear better suggestions and implement them, but I don’t give up easily. The human battering ram act gets frustrating, for lack of a better term, after a while. And leaves me with a whale of a headache after slamming my head against the wall over and over again.

That is all.