I’m not a real fan of Valentine’s Day.

In some ways it’s a nice reminder to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, but at the same time, if one needs a Hallmark-created holiday to remember to tell their loved ones that they are loved, then how strong is that love in the first place?

Tell someone you love them every day.

And remember, please, that there are a lot of people out there who do not have a healthy view of love.

There are people who idealize love, who are destined to end up alone because no real relationship matches up with the image of cupid that Hollywood has created in their mind. While this isn’t healthy, that’s not really what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the people who use love as a weapon, people who use coercion and “love” and affection and pain to get what they want, the ego-centered selfishness that results in domestic violence. If you have to manipulate or hurt someone, or someone has to do these things to you, it’s not love.

My friend Lee Lofland has posted some very scary statistics on his blog with regards to domestic violence. Find them here.

It’s not love if you’re scared. It’s not love if you wait, with bated breath, to determine the mood of your loved one to find out whether you will have a good night or a painful one. It’s not love when someone hits you. It’s not love when someone goes out of their way to isolate you from your friends and family, to make the only option staying. It’s not love when someone controls your every move.

And it’s not love if it leaves red marks, bruises, black eyes, broken bones, stab wounds or bullet holes.